Here I am, still trying to undo my constant skepticism and judgement of myself. I found something recently that gives me strength – I found my passion. It is unconventional, but knowing my ever evolving self, I would expect it to be nothing less. In the end, it is mine and I am happy to have finally uncovered something so special.
Some days I feel as though I’ve made major strides, others not so much. When I really think about it, I guess I have come a long way in this journey of myself. At one time, I would’ve told myself that my passion is silly, or that I could never make a living pursuing it. I do still struggle with those defeatist thoughts, but I must be getting better because I am pursuing my passion.
Enter The Naysayer
I was sharing my new found passion with my ex, with whom I normally have a very good relationship, only to be met with the worst version of my former self. He was so excited for my earning potential and possible advancement in this new industry that when I told him that I was so happy to have found something I believe in, being able to make money at it was a total bonus, his eyes narrowed and his tone became harsh. Judgement roared about my priorities as well as my value, “Money should be first!” he raged, and on from there he went. I’m not sure why I was surprised, he was being exactly who I thought he was…and that’s when I realized just how far I had come.
I realized that my strength of thought and my desire to be me actually scares people who are floundering. I don’t rejoice in this realization, I actually wish others could see what I am beginning to see – self awareness and self acceptance. Sadly, I know this particular person won’t find this, at least not for a very long time. So, as the dust settles, I shall pay no mind…and continue to be mindful of my self.