The Adulteress


Continuing to write fiction…one day at a time. 

If I were a different type of person, I could likely find a reason for such treason. I could blame my parents for being too strict, perhaps, in some cosmic sense, I’m to pay for the sins of my father…and maybe even the sins of my mother. But really, the decision to become an adulteress is not a conscious one. It is a vulnerable one. Men and women alike, there are few, if any, who move through affairs with malicious intent. Unlike those devilish “one-night stands,” affairs are a balm to soothe an aching heart, they fill those tiny voids in your heart that you never realized existed. They are an awakening, a realization, in a way. They force you to see your reflection with foreign eyes, the face is familiar, but the thoughts are entirely new. Nothing is sacred anymore, your beliefs, your morals, not gone, only changed. You find yourself asking, “What do you truly hold dear?” Then, you struggle even more, trying to reconcile the person you’ve become…or perhaps always were. 

Then, of course, you get found out. Perhaps through admission, or, more often, you get caught. Either way, the villagers will happily light the pyre beneath your feet, burning you for not adhering to their moral code. Yet as your soul drifts to some new dimension, you discover that the morality preached is seldom righteous. The villagers have their own dirty little secrets, their lives are a lie, and you have become their sacrifice to absolve their own sins. 

It was never a life goal to view relationships as disposable. I soon found myself asking, “When did loyalty become possession?” I was not in love anymore, my marriage had become a contract, my life one of obligation and possession. My shoulders had become weak from carrying so many burdens, sustaining verbal abuse, and floundering through countless failures. It is probably a bit easier to understand that my dalliance was inevitable. A hand was extended, offering to lift my burdens, a heart was offered to fill those spaces that had been recklessly abandoned. I’m sure, as human as you are, you might possibly offer some understanding. 

Well, I Just Figured Out the Meaning of Life…I Think

I had a thought…that makes sense one moment, and seems overstated at others…then I wonder what the hell I’m even talking about. That process should be pretty obvious as you read on. 

What if…

The secret to life – happiness, sadness, wealth, poverty, love, hate, etc., could be found in a simple pattern? 

And what if…

Each individual had their own pattern, yet there was another, larger pattern that each individual pattern fit into? Could we find a mathematical code in our brains that is our pattern…and then crack the code??

After all…

All patterns are geometry, and humans are geometric, as are all living things.

Therefore…

What if the secret to life is cracking your unique geometric code?

In these moments…

I regret not paying closer attention in Ms. Ponchetti’s Sophomore Geometry class. 

A Walk Through Nothing


As I walked through the blank spaces in my mind, this thought occurred to me, offering some semblance of relief. I can’t say that I was fretting about my blank mind, I suppose I was just searching for…well…something, anything, that made sense, or perhaps was an epiphany. It seemed that as I grasped for each thread of thought, it simply unraveled. That’s when I realized – there were thoughts, but nothing with a solid foundation. Yet this moment wasn’t meant for concrete. It was meant for calm. There was nothing to discover or solve, it was simply time to be…so that I may have the fortune to create a sturdy stitch with the next thread of thought that enters my mind. 

A Sober Thought´╗┐


In these moments I have found a greater appreciation for my solitary condition. These moments have forced me to stop running from my mind and give up the trappings of materialism. Had I never known love, I would not have found a true appreciation for the most simple weed and the vast abilities of the mind. Through love, lies the desire to know something greater, which can only be “the self.” It is not a matter of rejecting loneliness, it is simply realizing that my life has been one of distraction and indulgence, neglect. 

It is the plight of many to say that everything in our world has been discovered, mastered, and neatly packaged – but this is simply the lot of the lazy mind, which has been nurtured by a society with little regard for the spirit of beautiful wonderment. 

To seek is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.