New Fiction

I’ve decided to start writing again…I don’t really understand why I ever stop. I suppose it’s because it drains me to think about topics and, then weave words that desire to be read. But here I go…again. 

“I am an adulteress.” I repeated this to myself, as I searched the reflection in the mirror for any sign that the woman I once was still existed. In just two short years, the youfulness had dwindled from my eyes, and began to show as a new dullness in both my skin and eyes reflected back to me. Apparently, all of the trials and tribulations I had endured in my first forty years didn’t take nearly the toll that just two years spent in the beautiful turmoil of passion provided. 

I suppose there is still a level of naïveté that demonstrates itself, even at the age of thirty-eight. Looking back, I could equate myself to a child, desperately seeking the comfort, the safe  embrace, only a parent could provide. At the time, I was as lost as a piece of driftwood, carried across the miles of open ocean, with no particular destination. All I wanted was a safe place to rest my weary heart. It was quite pathetic, in retrospect. But somehow, I convinced myself that nothing mattered, no sin too great, for the warm sanctuary of an equally aching heart would heal all indiscretions. 

“Exploring Spirituality?”

An excerpt from my upcoming short story, “Exploring Spirituality?” Coming soon to Amazon Kindle. 

You can read the inspiration for my upcoming guide to spirituality in my short story, “The Reluctant Medium” by Josie de Vere on Amazon Kindle. 

Beautifully Flawed

I’m here to tell you it’s OK. It’s OK to want a change, it’s OK to not want what you have…to want something different, something more. Things change, life changes. You are not the same person you were yesterday…you are not the person you will be tomorrow. 

I want you to know that I believe in you, I accept you for who you are…no matter how flawed you see yourself. I do not see flaws, I see a person who is growing. 

Do not give into social pressures to be what other want you to be. Do not be fooled by false concern…there are agendas everywhere and none of them are your own. People say they want the best for you, which I’m not saying isn’t true, but often times they really don’t want you to do something that will negatively impact them. We are all self-serving on some level. 

The bleakest times are often the times when a major shift is about to occur. It is acceptance of the self that creates major change. Suffering is only caused when you see what you want but fear seizing it because of the judgement of others. It’s OK to break away from mainstream thought…it isn’t mindful of the individual anyway. I have empathy for those who conform and never see that they are something much more than society has dictated. It is our duty to forgive ourselves for not wanting what society says we should, it is our duty to rebel and have our own thoughts and dreams, and it is our duty to not apologize for them. 

There truly is no failure, if you could only see life through the eyes of truth that await opening within each of us. Stop apologizing and start forgiving. Once you forgive yourself for not living up to the standards of others, you can start rewarding yourself for adhering to your own. 

I’ve heard you say, “I want you to do whatever it is you want to do.” Why can we say that to others and not say it to ourselves? Perhaps it is our way of saying what we want to say to ourselves, but we allow guilt to rule our path – steal from us our freedoms. We are free. Yes, responsibilities matter, but sacrificing ourselves in the course of tending to our responsibilities is not noble…it is feeding the trickery which we have been taught. 

So, I’m here to tell you that it’s OK. You are not wrong…you are beautifully flawed…like a scared tree that has continued to grow to new heights…it is perfect in its imperfections…and so are you. Please stop apologizing for your flaws…go and be beautifully flawed. Those around you will learn from you…see your flaws and see the beauty in them. Forgive yourself one last time and then leave behind your burdens. Move forward, grow, experience, love, and wander. I’ll be by your side. 

A Meditative Awakening

I had an experience during last night’s meditation that is a bit hard to capture in words, so please bear with me. 

You know how all the “experts” say that in order to manifest something in your life you have to truly believe it? You can’t just want it…you have to know it…trust it. I have struggled with this for years. I know what I need and I know what I want. I just couldn’t really make it happen. Then last night I realized that in order  for the Law of Attraction…or whatever you want to call it…to work, you have to first truly believe in it…believe in that Law, believe it exists. I realized that I’ve spent many years wanting to believe in it…but never truly believing in the faith I claimed to have. That all changed last night. 

Last night during my meditation I detached from my physical body and somehow saw my entire life, somehow I saw reality in a different way, and I felt what it was like to actually trust something other than my conscious mind. It gave me an overwhelming feeling of peace. I knew myself…I knew the power of my mind…and I, for the first time in my life, believed in my faith. I won’t deny that experiencing the true power of my mind was scary. It was overwhelming. Yet, even through all the fear, I knew that what I had to offer was overwhelmingly good and it was my duty to go forward and trust that everything I desire will become a reality in this experience I call life. 

In order to find yourself you must completely let go of everything you think you are and allow yourself to fall. I haven’t been able to do this from a conscious state, so meditation as been my tool. I promise you, you will not be destroyed, but you will be reborn. 

A Pivotal Moment 

Even though I try to be confident, I found myself a the bottom today. I simply don’t know what plan I have for my future…I don’t know which way to go. Even though I’m a bit lost, I do know that the greatest clarity comes at times like these. So now I wait, partially afraid, yet faithful.