I’ve decided to start writing again…I don’t really understand why I ever stop. I suppose it’s because it drains me to think about topics and, then weave words that desire to be read. But here I go…again.
“I am an adulteress.” I repeated this to myself, as I searched the reflection in the mirror for any sign that the woman I once was still existed. In just two short years, the youfulness had dwindled from my eyes, and began to show as a new dullness in both my skin and eyes reflected back to me. Apparently, all of the trials and tribulations I had endured in my first forty years didn’t take nearly the toll that just two years spent in the beautiful turmoil of passion provided.
I suppose there is still a level of naïveté that demonstrates itself, even at the age of thirty-eight. Looking back, I could equate myself to a child, desperately seeking the comfort, the safe embrace, only a parent could provide. At the time, I was as lost as a piece of driftwood, carried across the miles of open ocean, with no particular destination. All I wanted was a safe place to rest my weary heart. It was quite pathetic, in retrospect. But somehow, I convinced myself that nothing mattered, no sin too great, for the warm sanctuary of an equally aching heart would heal all indiscretions.
In these moments I have found a greater appreciation for my solitary condition. These moments have forced me to stop running from my mind and give up the trappings of materialism. Had I never known love, I would not have found a true appreciation for the most simple weed and the vast abilities of the mind. Through love, lies the desire to know something greater, which can only be “the self.” It is not a matter of rejecting loneliness, it is simply realizing that my life has been one of distraction and indulgence, neglect.
It is the plight of many to say that everything in our world has been discovered, mastered, and neatly packaged – but this is simply the lot of the lazy mind, which has been nurtured by a society with little regard for the spirit of beautiful wonderment.
To seek is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.
I wrote this awhile ago and stumbled across it today. It really captures where I was at the time…lonely, yearning, and a bit brokenhearted.
The moon glowed red tonight. The only thing missing was the familiar beat that reminds her she is alive.
Torn and buried emotions defiantly beat deep below the surface.
An attempt to hide. No…an attempt to deny her true feelings for the sake of a tattered soul.
She is reminded of you, yet she will not yearn.
The burial beneath the shadow is her only reprieve.
Looming is the resurrection of the light, readying to expose her once again.